6. "This bar is filthy."
Most bars offer dim lighting for atmosphere -- but it can also hide a lot of hazards. Slippery floors, sticky countertops and lemon wedges strewn about the floor are among the most common problems undercover investigators find in bars, according to Gwen Lennox, CEO of Keeping Tabs, which conducts independent evaluations for bar owners. Nightclubs frequented by twentysomethings tend to be the worst, she says, but it's not always easy to spot problems, such as open bottles of alcohol that haven't been cleaned or covered between shifts, thus encouraging the buildup of dust and germs.
Bars and taverns are just as susceptible to spreading food-borne illnesses as restaurants, warns Dean Peterson, director of environmental health for San Mateo County in California. Indeed, health-inspection reports for establishments connected to a bar cite all sorts of violations, ranging from dirty floors to lip-stained tumblers. One North Carolina inspector even found black-slime mold in an ice machine -- though it might not make you sick, it "would be kind of repulsive to have in your drink," says Frances Breedlove, food sanitation section chief for Wake County.
7. "Restaurants are a terrible place to get a good drink."
Restaurants are a tough business. The majority of new establishments close their doors within the first three years, and only 30% last 10 years. One way to up the chance of turning a profit and running a successful restaurant is to secure a liquor license as soon as possible, since owners can expect to earn up to 40% of their profit from liquor. To further milk every drop of their drink sales, restaurants are micromanaging and automating their bartending wherever possible. By using so-called liquor-control systems, all a bartender needs to do is push a button to fill up, say, a pitcher of beer, thus saving time and controlling the pour to the letter; it even allows workers to serve another customer while the machine pours the next drink.
In a climate like this, "anyone can pretty much bartend," says Tara Clark, general manager of a restaurant and bar located just outside Atlanta, as long as they have a friendly personality. "If people don't get a great martini, as long as you can hold a great conversation, they'll forget about the drink," she says.
8. "I don't know diddly about wine."
You'd think a bar would be the perfect place to order a crisp chardonnay. Think again. Experts say bars tend to minimize their wine offerings because the bulk of their sales come from spirits or beer. Some bar managers and their staff know so little about wine that they leave it up to distributors to develop their menu, even though these salespeople might get rewarded with free trips or other incentives to push certain brands, says Ty Wenzel, author of 'Behind Bars: The Straight-Up Tales of a Big-City Bartender.' That's why it's not uncommon for bars to limit their list to a single red and a single white offering. In fact, Wenzel says one trick she used to clear out old stock at her own bar was to pass off the house wine -- a cheap cabernet -- as a more exotic shiraz or syrah. "I couldn't believe they couldn't tell the difference," she says.
One way around the issue is to ask your bartender to show you the bottle and pour the wine in front of you. Also, keep in mind that if bottles are stored near a hot kitchen or displayed on a shelf where natural light can strike them all day, their contents can oxidize or begin to spoil, rendering even a decent wine undrinkable.
9. "Your drink costs whatever I say it costs."
When Alexandria Steppe wants a Corona from one of her favorite clubs in Asbury Park, N.J., she doesn't always know how much it's going to cost: During a recent visit, her beer was $4 when her boyfriend ordered it, then $6 when Steppe ordered one from the very same bartender later that night. What's more, there are three different bars in the club, and she's discovered that the bartenders in the back charge less for drinks than those who work closer to the front of the house. "I don't think it's fair, but there isn't much I can do about it," Steppe says.
While it's not uncommon for bars to feature certain specials like "ladies drink free," many bartenders will go one step further, charging different rates to different people, particularly if a patron appears drunk. "What it usually means is that the bartenders are playing fast and loose, and they're probably not putting all of the money into the register," says Lennox. The best way to avoid getting overcharged is simple: Ask for a receipt, and let the manager know if you note a discrepancy.
10. "Unless you're using a walker, expect to be carded." There's little logic when it comes to getting your I.D. checked these days. Some bartenders seem to have no qualms letting underage drinkers run rampant, while others wait to see what a person orders before they ask for identification. A toasted-almond cocktail, for example, is often popular among teens, while folks who order a scotch on the rocks are typically assumed to be of drinking age. Then there are the places with tougher rules, where no one who appears under the age of 40 is allowed a drink until they've flashed their license. So no matter how old you are, or appear to be, carry your card at all times.
Even so, policing has become so strict at some places that even a valid I.D. isn't good enough. While waiting for a pool table to open up at a Dave & Buster's in Arcadia, Calif., last year, 29-year-old Jason Flores ordered a few rounds of vodka tonics with his friends. Once a table opened up and the optometrist started carrying his drink toward it, he was stopped and accused of having a fake I.D. Flores spent nearly half an hour trying to convince the management otherwise -- going so far as offering to have the police come over and authenticate his I.D. In the end, the group was given permission to stay at the pool table, though no one was allowed to order or drink any more alcohol. Flores says this was after they had already paid for their drinks and tipped the bartender. Manager Steve White says he doesn't recall the situation, but notes that the bar hews close to the letter of the law, "which is extremely strict" when it comes to checking I.D. Cards can be considered suspect if they are cracked or torn or if the laminate has been peeled back.
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